This wonderful back of mine!

SO today was okay.. the doc made sure I was very comfortable just as promised.. but now that the numbness is gone. I am feeling the after math. He said once he say my discs on the live feed it looked worse then he thought.. and that the tears are anterior so they are going to hurt more and since they are torn it would b hard to fix them, he said we will talk in 2wks, when I have my follow up and pick up my back brace..

I am laying in bed.. wondering why the pain pills arent working.. I may make a call in the morn and have him call me in something a lil stronger. I dunno yet. I have to attempt to make it to a brad paisley concert tomarrow that my husband has had planned for months! I think I will tough it out, since Ive never really been to a concert before.. I went to one in 4th grade.. but dont really remember it. I am so bummed bout leaving the baby for 14 hrs! but.. I know she is in good hands..

I feel horrible cuz I have stuff to do .. like pack the kids bags and fold the laundry.. but I cant so my husband and kids are trying to help but it just doesnt feel right needing all this help. Im a "i will do it myself-er" So it is hard..

thats all for now!

Orange, Pink and Brown

GOOD MORNING ALL 3 OF MY FOLLOWERS! My blog has a brand spankin new look! What ya think? I like it, for now. I tend to change my mind alot, I guess. I have to start getting my self and 3 lil munchins ready to go Pick up Miss Heather and head to the doc! She is sittin with kids in the waiting room so I can have a clear mind to think of what I wanna ask the doc and make sure I can have a decent conversation with him, without havin to worry about the kids! Thank goodness! She is my life saver today! I dont feel much at all like getting ready. Didnt get enough sleep.. and Im just in pain.. so i kinda am just miserably exsisting at this point. I could really use a phone call Im waiting on to come thru.. COME on phone call! Im rooting for the phone call, as long as this phone call holds good, much deserved news! I can hear lil MISS PAIZLEY gibber gabberin in her crib. Cutest. Thing. Ever. Guess thats my cue to wrap this up and go deliver some kisses to my lil peanut!
Will write more later!

A lil Back Update From the Doc

Well my MRI shows that I have several bulging disks that have tears in them. So I have to go to a pain managment clinic and do what i can to try and avoid any sort of surgery. After the pain is under control I plan to get back into physical therapy.. I might consider a different plac though.. Im not sure yet. I was just so embarassed being at the last place.. Its embarassing that I cant do what they are telling me.. she was checking me for weakness and different things and I could hardly do what she was asking me.. and I was crying cuz it hurt so bad. Well and then my diagnosis was just sciatica.. since we hadnt done the MRI yet.. so now they atleast know what they are working with. I had to stop phys therapy cuz I would get a spinal migrane that would last for 4 days after doing my exercises.. so hopefully the pain managment will help me get thru it. I have a consultation on Wed with the pain doc.. and they plan to start epidural injections and such asap. Thats the news so far!

Thoughts between a Mother and her Daughter

I decided to start this little idea with my oldest Dezirae.. thought Id write about it.

I got her a regular little notebook (if this goes well we will invest in a journal and fancy it up a bit) and she has free reins with the notebook, to write down whatever.. like questions she wants answers to, or how she is feeling or what she is thinking.. anything at all really.. Just a personal space for her to write me a letter and let me know whats going on in that lil 8yr old head of hers. And once a week I will sit down and read what she has written and respond back to her in the notebook. I just feel like sometimes for me.. things get better expressed when I write them. And this way she can say whatever is on her mind, free of lil sisters interupting.. and I can answer her free of lifes everyday interuptions.. Its open communication between her and I. Nothing is off limits. Im hoping it will just make our friendship blossom more between the two of us. This is something I hope to do with her for years to come and something I will do with all of my girls :)

So I guess I should call this "My First Blog"?

In the world of Kev and Niki lately.. Well staying at the inlaws may be coming to an end sooner then recently planned, hard to say but the way my husband is talking, hes ready. Ive been ready this whole time. No offense to anybody. Im just the type of person who needs ALOT of space and I dont like being under the wing of some sort of charity type of thing.. I dunno, I guess Im just used to finding my own way. Its mostly uncomfortable for me, again, no offense to anybody. I appreciate the help from others and my inlaws are the sweetest! I will just b glad to be out again, even tho its to another stepping stone and not to our ultimate goal, atleast it is something!

Onto other news! Dezi turned 8! Which is pure INSANITY to me! Halfway to 16.. wow.

Azlynn starts kindergarten this year.. finally! She has been so ready! Had to wait an extra year because if her birthday being late in the year. Little Miss Paizley has like 5 teeth already! She is 10 months old and has the full top set of teeth in the front! My other two did NOT get teeth til they were like one.. or older! Its just too fast for me.. Its bitter sweet! I am excited cuz.. shes growing and it is just too cute! but at the same time.. shes my baby! I dont want her to grow too fast! Kevs job is going good.. its nice to finally have insurance and all that.. and just in time too. Ive been having back issues real bad for almost 2 months now.. I should get my MRI results tomarrow.. Its a drag.. cause I never feel like doing anything. Im always tired and sore and in pain.. And I have all of these random symptoms that I just dont understand yet. Anyways.. Kev has to work everyday he was SUPOSSED to b off this week, and thats a bummer. Cause I miss him so much.. he gets home so late then wakes up and goes right back to work. When hes not around I just want to hide under my blanket and wait for him to come back! The kids and I have been doing lil crafts here and there to try and pass the time. Cause its hard for me to take 3 kids out (ecspecialy the baby) with my back like it is.. Im wiped out by the time we get to the car. I try so hard not to whine about and to just push past it. Its not always easy. I guess thats all I have to say for tonight! Goodnight!